Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Anxiety

For one week ago, I was anxious. I didn’t know why. May be, I have not been at home yet in Rome. Moreover, I was anxious about my study in the future. At first I dare to face all the difficulties that would come to me in the future. However, after hearing some experiences from some who ever studied in Biblicum, suddenly I have been discourage. Fortunately, I have been despair yet. What I was afraid about is the demands from Biblicum. I have to be capable in many languages. For me, now it seems somewhat impossible. But, I don’t care about the future. I do not know anything that will happen to me in the future. I just shall try and try again. Sometimes, I’m afraid about some events that have been not happened yet. I think it’s proper or natural. Surely, every body has ever experienced it.
Actually I understand that the anxiety or fearness can make someone to be despair or discourage. But, I can deny this feeling from myself. I have to be honest to myself that I have this feeling. What will I do then? I can’t do anything. I just hope to be pass this crisis of self confidence. Only can pass it. I believe that God will direct me in His way that I can’t suppose it.
By the way, now I feel that God is far me. I hope that I will be like Jesus when he cried out ‘My father…why do you forsake me?”. I don’t want to discuss it. OK.

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